Skip to main content
FMLY5-min read

Moms Moving On: Real-Life Advice on Conquering Divorce

By Michelle Dempsey-Multack

#Divorce recovery#Co-parenting#Single motherhood#High-conflict ex#Self-discovery#Resilience

Section 1: Analysis & Insights

Executive Summary​

Thesis: Divorce is not a tragedy to survive, but an opportunity to construct a better life. By shifting from a "Victim" mindset to an "Architect" mindset, mothers can protect their children from conflict and rebuild their own identity.

Unique Contribution: Dempsey-Multack (a certified divorce coach) provides a "best friend" voice combined with professional rigor. She integrates Attachment Theory into divorce recovery, helping women understand why they chose their ex and how to avoid repeating patterns.

Target Outcome: A "Mom Moving On" is one who co-parents with boundaries, prioritizes her own happiness (because happy moms look after kids better), and refuses to be defined by her relationship status.

Chapter Breakdown​

  • Crisis: Handling the early days of separation.
  • Co-Parenting: Managing the ex, specifically high-conflict ones.
  • The Self: Mindset work, attachment styles, and self-care.
  • The New Life: Dating, blending, and moving forward.

Nuanced Main Topics​

The "Refillable Glass" Mindset​

Optimism (half-full) and Pessimism (half-empty) both assume the amount of water is fixed. The "Refillable Glass" mindset says: "I can always add more water." It asserts agency. If you are empty, you pour into yourself. You are the source of your own fullness, not your partner or your circumstances.

Emotional vs. Physical Boundaries​

You might have physical boundaries (separate houses), but if his text message ruins your Tuesday, you have no emotional boundaries. Emotional boundaries mean his anger is his problem, not your emergency. You observe his chaos without letting it enter your internal home.

Attachment Styles in Divorce​

Understanding if you are Anxious (fight for connection) or Avoidant (flight from intimacy) explains your divorce dynamics. Anxious types often stay too long or tolerate abuse. Understanding this prevents you from dating the same person in a different body next time.

Child-Centered Co-Parenting​

This doesn't mean "giving the kids whatever they want." It means every decision (schedule, communication style) is filtered through: "Does this lower the stress for my child?" Often, the answer requires you to swallow your pride and ignore your ex's jabs.

Section 2: Actionable Framework

The Checklist​

  • Communication Audit: Switch to email/app only (no texts/calls).
  • Journal Practice: Write daily to process emotions (don't dump on friends/kids).
  • Attachment Quiz: Identify your style.
  • The "Wins" List: Document weekly successes.
  • Date Yourself: Weekly solo time doing something you love.
  • PNP Method: Use Positive-Negative-Positive for request emails.

Implementation Steps (Process)​

Process 1: The "Grey Rock" Communication Method​

Purpose: Stop fueling the fire with a high-conflict ex.

Steps:

  1. Pause: Never reply immediately to a trigger. Wait 24 hours.
  2. Filter: Remove all emotion, defense, and explanation.
  3. Fact: State only the necessary logistic. "Pickup is at 5pm."
  4. Send: Do not engage with the insults. Be as boring as a grey rock.

Process 2: The PNP Request​

Purpose: Get what you need without a fight.

Steps:

  1. Positive: Start with something nice. "Thanks for taking Timmy to soccer."
  2. Negative (The Ask): "He needs new cleats. Can we split the $50 cost?"
  3. Positive: "I appreciate you handling this. Enjoy the weekend."

Process 3: The Anxiety "Gut Check"​

Purpose: Rebuild self-trust after gaslighting.

Steps:

  1. Trigger: You feel anxiety about a decision.
  2. Ask: "Is this fear-based anxiety (paranoia) or intuition (knowing)?"
  3. Verify: "What evidence do I have?"
  4. Decide: Make a small decision and track the outcome. Prove to yourself you can choose correctly.

Process 4: Introducing a New Partner​

Purpose: Protect kids from the "revolving door."

Steps:

  1. Wait: Dating exclusive for 6 months minimum.
  2. Vet: Is this person safe and stable?
  3. Brief: Keep the first meeting short (1 hour), casual (pizza/park), and neutral ("Mom's friend").
  4. Observe: Watch the interaction.
  5. Debrief: Ask the kids, "What did you think of [Name]?" Listen without correcting.

Common Pitfalls​

  • The "Disney Mom": Buying guilt-gifts to compensate for the divorce.
  • The Messenger: Using kids to pass info to the ex.
  • Oversharing: Treating your child like your therapist ("I'm so lonely").
  • Social Stalking: Obsessing over the ex's new life on social media. (Block/Mute them).