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LIFE5-min read

The Entitlement Trap: How to Rescue Your Child with a New Family System of Choosing, Earning, and Ownership

By Richard and Linda Eyre

#entitlement#family economy#ownership#responsibility#values#goals#financial literacy

Section 1: Analysis & Insights

Executive Summary​

Thesis: Entitlement is the belief that one is owed something without earning it. The Eyres argue that the only cure is Ownership. By transferring ownership of money, choices, values, and goals from the parent to the child, the child moves from a passive consumer to an active creator. Unique Contribution: The "Family Economy" system. Rather than a vague "allowance," the Eyres propose a robust micro-economy inside the home where children earn wages for specific tasks, pay for their own needs/wants, and manage their own banking. This turns the home into a training ground for the real world. Target Outcome: A child who understands the link between effort and reward, who feels "pride of ownership" over their life, and who has internal structures (values/goals) to resist external pressure.

Chapter Breakdown​

  • Part I: Material Ownership: Establishing the Family Economy (Wages, Checkbooks, Needs vs. Wants).
  • Part II: Structural Ownership: Family Laws, Tradition, and the "Family Infrastructure."
  • Part III: Mental/Emotional Ownership: Owning goals, choices ("Decisions in Advance"), and values.

Nuanced Main Topics​

The Family Economy​

The core mechanism. Parents calculate how much they spend on a child's discretionary items (clothes, sports gear, toys) and transfer that money to the child in the form of potential wages. The child then has to "earn" the money to buy the things the parents would have bought anyway. This shifts the dynamic from "Mom, can I have...?" to "Do I have enough money for...?"

Family Infrastructure​

Just as a city needs laws and infrastructure, a family needs "Family Laws" and "Trusted Traditions." Without this structure, the peer culture (which is often entitled) becomes the dominant culture. The "Family Legal System" separates discipline from anger—consequences are pre-determined laws, not parental whims.

Decisions in Advance​

Willpower is weak; structure is strong. The Eyres teach children to make "Decisions in Advance" about big topics (drugs, cheating, sex) when they are cool and calm, rather than waiting for the heat of the moment.

Goals: The 3 Categories​

Children should set their own goals (Ownership), not have goals imposed on them. The Eyres suggest 3 buckets:

  1. Academics (Grades, learning).
  2. Extracurricular (Sports, arts).
  3. Character (Kindness, honesty).

Section 2: Actionable Framework

The Checklist​

  • Audit the Spending: Calculate what you spend on your child per month.
  • Set Up the Bank: Create a physical or digital "Family Bank" with a checkbook.
  • Define the "Wages": Assign monetary values to daily responsibilities (The "Peg Board" system).
  • Draft Family Laws: Create 5 core non-negotiable laws with clear consequences.
  • The "Decisions" Journal: Have the child write down 3 major decisions they have already made about their future.
  • Weekly Meeting: Hold a Sunday meeting to distribute wages and review the week.

Implementation Steps (Process)​

Process 1: Launching the "Family Economy"​

Purpose: To transfer financial ownership. Steps:

  1. The Calculation: Add up costs for clothes, lessons, outings, and treats. Let's say it's $100/month.
  2. The Offer: "We are going to stop buying these things for you. Instead, you have the chance to earn $100/month to buy them yourself."
  3. The Job Description: Create a checklist (The Peg Board or App). E.g., Morning Routine ($2), Homework ($2), Zone Cleaning ($2).
  4. Payday: Once a week (e.g., Sunday). They count their points/checks and get paid into their "Checkbook."
  5. The Spending: When they want new shoes, they write a check to you (the parent), and you buy the shoes. If the account is empty, they don't get the shoes.

Process 2: The Sunday Family Meeting​

Purpose: To maintain the infrastructure. Steps:

  1. The Ritual: Start with a song, prayer, or specific opening tradition.
  2. The Business: Pay wages. Review the calendar for the week.
  3. The "Gripe Session": Allow anyone to air a grievance respectfully.
  4. The Value: Briefly discuss the "Value of the Month" (e.g., Honesty).
  5. The Fun: End with a special dessert or game.

Process 3: Decisions in Advance (The "Big Talk")​

Purpose: To pre-load correct choices. Steps:

  1. The Context: Take the child on a dedicated one-on-one date (The "Golden Date").
  2. The Concept: Explain that it's hard to decide when you're tempted. It's smart to decide now.
  3. The Writing: Have them write in a journal: "I have decided that I will not..." (e.g., cheat on a test, get in a car with a drinker).
  4. The Signature: They sign it. You witness it.
  5. The Reminder: When they leave for a party, you say: "You've already made your decisions, right?"

Process 4: The 3-Category Goal Setting​

Purpose: To foster self-direction. Steps:

  1. The Timing: Do this at the start of a semester or season.
  2. The Board: Create a visual chart with 3 columns (Academic, Activity, Character).
  3. The Ask: "What is one thing you want to achieve in each column?" (Do not suggest goals).
  4. The Support: "How can I help you reach that?" (Parent becomes consultant, not manager).
  5. The Review: check progress at the Sunday meeting.

Common Pitfalls​

  • The "Bailout": Paying for the shoes anyway because you feel bad they are "poor." This destroys the economy.
  • Inconsistent Paydays: Forgetting to pay wages. This breaks the trust in the system.
  • Inflation: Wages that are too low to cover the expected expenses, leading to frustration.
  • Imposed Goals: Setting goals for the child, which leads to resistance rather than ownership.
  • Using Money as Punishment: Fining the child arbitrary amounts for bad behavior. (Keep the "Economy" separate from the "Legal System").